What to do in case of an Air Raid

1. As soon as bombs start dropping, run like hell. It doesn't matter, where, as long as you run like hell,
    If you are inside a building, run outside- If you are outside, run inside. 


2. Take advantage of opportunities afforded you when air raid sirens sound the attack warning- for example:
             (A) If in a bakery, grab some pie or cake, etc.
             (B) If in a tavern, grab a bottle.
             (C) If in a movie, grab a blonde. 


3. If you find  an unexploded bomb, always pick it up and shake it like hell, the firing pin may be stuck.


4. If this doesn't work, leave it in the furnace. ( The fire department will come later and take care of things).


5. If an incendiary bomb is found burning in a building, throw some gasoline on it. You can't put it out         anyhow, so you might just as well have some fun. 


                   (A) If no gasoline is available, throw a bucket of water on it and lie down, you're dead.


                   (B) The properties of the bomb free the hydrogen from the water with rather rapid combustion 
                         (in fact it will explode with a helluva crash).


6. Always get excited and holler bloody murder. It will add to the fun and confusion and scare the  hell out of 
    the kids.  


7. Drink heavily, eat onions, limburger cheese, etc., before entering a crowded air raid shelter. This will make 
    you unpopular with the crowd in your immediate vicinity, eliminating any unnecessary discomfiture that 
    would be more prevalent if people crowded too close. 


8. If you should be the victim of a direct bomb hit, don't go to pieces-lie still and you won't be noticed. 


9. Knock the air-raid wardens down if they start to tell you what to do. They always save the best seats for 
    themselves and their friends anyway.